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Often, parents expect that the child, if not immediately, then after a couple of failures, will definitely understand what to write and poop in a pot. If this does not happen until the age of two, then mom and dad remain relatively calm and self-controlled. But if this does not happen after two years, then the parents begin to panic: after all, in many magazines about children and on specialized sites on the Internet they write what is the most suitable age for. Well, okay, 2.5. But three years is already a critical age.

But in fact, you should not be upset and, moreover, panic. Experts believe that every child is unique, and does not have to follow generally accepted patterns. By the way, it may well happen that the chosen teaching methods are simply not suitable for the child and must try something else.

Latest Effective Potty Training Methods When All Others Have Been Tried

First tip , naturally, in not forcing the child, not scolding him, not shouting, not frightening. Such actions can for a long time discourage the baby from any impulse to "go" where it should be. If such "methods" have already taken place, then it is necessary as soon as possible to change them to affection and patience. If necessary, you need to stop trying to teach, and continue them after a while.

Most better ways in any child's education - play ... The main thing is not to turn the pot itself into a toy! If this has already happened, it is necessary to replace the pot with another one that differs in color, shape, etc.
You also need to exclude the mental, physiological reasons for refusing the pot.

There are several playful forms of training.

1. "The pot wants to be fed." You can come up with a fairy tale in which the main character is a pot, and tell the child that the pot needs to be "fed" and "watered". Yes, yes, and explain to the child WHAT the pot eats. And that without THIS the pot will starve.
2. Role-playing games with a toy. It's not just about just planting the toy on another pot next to the baby. You need to demonstrate the whole procedure: take off your pants, panties, plant, maybe pour water into a pot for clarity, then pour it into the toilet. Also demonstrate what will happen if you do not "go" on time to the pot. The doll can get the pants wet, which is very unpleasant, especially if there are people around. You need to wash the doll, put on dry pants for her, and next time let her "pee" in the pot.
3. "The award has found its hero." This is an elementary but very effective method. The kid is simply rewarded for every successful "trip". Small inexpensive toys, stickers, pictures can be a reward. The main thing here is to stop giving out "prizes" in time, otherwise the child will begin to refuse to do his business for nothing.
4. "A game of accuracy". Everything is clear here: the baby is invited to hit the pot. This game is more like (and suitable) for boys. You can even draw a target on the bottom of the pot.
5. "Playing an adult." After the baby does his "wet job", you need to take the pot with him, pour the contents into the toilet, wash the pot. If the child has not done anything, you can imperceptibly pour some water into the pot (for example, with a syringe without a needle) and repeat the procedure described above.
   You can come up with some kind of game that your little one will like.

Reasons for refusing a pot

There may be several reasons why a child cannot learn (or does not want to) relieve himself of a potty.

Psychological

These reasons include:

• experienced (or experienced) stress (family problems, external stimuli);
• fear of the pot. The child may be afraid of the pot offered to him: too bright, noisy, cold, the baby was previously accustomed to;
• crisis 3-4 years. At this age, the child is going through a crisis, can be stubborn, refuse to fulfill requests, show aggression.

Physiological

• a recent illness can also negatively affect attempts to potty train a child;
• the pot can be just uncomfortable for the child;
• potty training earlier than the child has matured.

Psychologist help

So, if problems arise with potty training, it is worth identifying and, if possible, eliminating the causes described above.
If the child still refuses to do "things" in the pot, it makes sense to contact a specialist. Indeed, some other signs of psychological problems may be present: general nervousness, deviations from normal behavior, depression.

If the baby behaves as usual, is cheerful and cheerful, there is no reason for panic.

And the simplest and most important advice - be patient with your beloved child, and you and he will succeed .

The time has come when it becomes indecent to wear diapers. Soon to go to kindergarten, the baby is already walking confidently, even running, quietly talking. It's time to introduce him to the "night vase". However, a strange object is not very clear to the baby, he is sometimes capricious, trying to get up, the calls "pee-pee" are not too inspiring. It can be seen that, not understanding why this is, the child does not want to sit on the potty at 1.5 years old.

How to potty train?

This is an individual process for each person. The Chinese put their children on the toilet early, the Americans, on the contrary, are in no hurry. According to many children's experts, the "potty" period should begin by 1-1.5 years, otherwise it will simply not be ready for such ups and downs of fate.

How to determine the moral and physical readiness of the baby?

• he must walk dry from 2 o'clock or more;
• waking up in the morning or after a nap with dry pants;
• let mom know about the desire to go to the toilet. Some children fidget, moo, others, on the contrary, squat down, others clap their hands between their legs - a change in behavior will be noticeable;
• the baby begins to show interest in "adult" toilet affairs. Leading by example is a great thing. Take the baby to the toilet with you, explain step by step what you are doing and why. Tell him that the toilet is big and that it is too early for him to sit there. His toilet is a pot;
• the child will begin to show cleanliness - he pulls the dirty diaper by the edge, gets nervous, letting his mother know that it is time to change.

What if the child does not want to sit on the potty?

First, make it clear that now this thing in his life will be permanent, at certain hours. Sit him down before bed or after bed (if he got up with dry pants), before walking. This will develop a reflex.

If the child does not want to sit on the potty at the age of 1.5, do not try to hold him back by force, distracting him with toys, better calm him down by saying all the actions taken. Sing songs, read fairy tales, because a baby can sit on it for up to 3 minutes.

Praise the kid for showing success in the "pot epic", but not much. After all, people visit the toilet as a necessity. If he described himself without doing "his business" where necessary, do not scold. You cannot force it. Also, don't stop him from getting up earlier than 3 minutes. I didn't like it now, maybe it will work out later. The kid does not show whims, he simply does not understand why he should give up everything and sit where his parents show, and for a long time. Therefore, the children are impatient, screaming indignantly. Mom needs to show the pot not as a punishment or offense (by forcibly holding it, and it comes out in the eyes of the baby), as something new, part everyday life... No more.

Constant unobtrusive attempts have not been crowned with success, and the child runs away with hysteria? Better to wait a week, at the same time to check, maybe he just doesn't like the pot itself, it is inconvenient to sit on it.

How to potty train?

Dr. Komarovsky advises not to rush. He emphasizes that in young children, the brain is not yet fully formed, unable to control urination. Therefore, attempts by the kid to use it too early will only bring frustration and loss of nerves for both parties.

If a child does not want to sit on a pot at 1.5 years old, Komarovsky advises not to scold the baby as a fault. The best time workouts - summer, when the baby flaunts around the house in panties and a T-shirt. It is better to offer a new assistant in “hot” moments - after a meal, after waking up. First, thoroughly acquaint the baby with a new object - here is the pot, how to use it. You can show it visually with the help of your favorite dolls, planting them correctly on it, commenting on what is happening.

There comes a time in the life of every child when it becomes simply indecent to “get his pants dirty”. Mom puts the baby on the pot, but this incomprehensible object does not inspire confidence in him, and so he is capricious, trying to get up, does not listen to the calls for "pee" and "ah". Patience is ready to burst when, after five minutes of these battles, the baby calmly makes a small puddle not far from the pot. And the mother, clutching at the doormat, thinks that it may be too early to potty train, or, on the contrary, continues to play "toilet passions", still going over the answers to the question in her head: why the child does not want to sit on pot?

Check your baby's readiness

Like any other issue related to a child's life, potty training is a purely individual matter. The Chinese believe that it is necessary to potty early, the Americans do not advise doing this. Many experts say: the child is ready to learn the "potty question" in the period from 1 to 1.5 years. Therefore, indeed, in some cases, the child may not be ready for such tests.

And how to determine his readiness for this? Firstly, it should remain dry for a long time (up to 2 hours or more), sometimes wake up in the morning and afternoon in dry pants. Secondly, he must signal somehow that he wants to go to the toilet. Some children, for example, begin to fidget, bellow, or, conversely, become quiet, look at adults, some sit down on cards, pat their hands between their legs, etc. Thirdly, the baby becomes interested in how other family members go to the toilet. Personal example, generally a great thing. Bring the baby with you to the toilet, explain to him what you are doing. Tell him that it is too early for him to use the toilet, but he has a little helper - a potty. Fourthly, it becomes unpleasant for a child to walk in wet pants, he pulls on a dirty diaper, realizing what is "hidden" there.

The child does not want to sit on the potty: the first rules

To begin with, put the baby on the pot at strictly defined hours: before bedtime, after sleep (if you got up dry), before a walk. This helps to develop a conditioned reflex. But experts do not advise putting a toy in hand at the same time: supposedly it only interferes with developing skills. Speak your actions: “Now you and I will take off our panties, sit on the pot. Oh, what a beautiful pot! " etc. It is allowed to sing songs, read fairy tales, because the child should not sit for 5 seconds, but 3-5 minutes.

If everything worked out, praise the baby, although do not get carried away too much, all the same, all people go to the toilet and do not give them diplomas for this. And in the opposite situation, when the child does not want to sit on the potty, he wrote in his pants, do not scold the baby. Force is not worth it. Do not forbid getting up from the pot. He didn't like something this time, maybe next time he will. The child often does not understand why he should give up his interesting games and sit down where the parents indicate. Children are often stubborn. As always, patience and patience are required from mommy.

If, nevertheless, the child demonstrates his character, refuses to sit on the potty every time, throwing a tantrum, postpone these activities for some time, for example, for a week. And at the same time, check if you have chosen the right pot.

How to choose a pot

The pot doesn't have to look like a toy, the classic design is fine, but with a back and wide edges for seating comfort. The surface should be smooth for easy cleaning. Choose a pot with an anti-slip bottom so that it does not jump out from under the child when he sits on it. Be careful with music pots: some children like music, others are afraid of it. The color does not matter, if you want, let the kid choose the pot he likes. Beware of cheap plastics from some unscrupulous manufacturers - they can cause pot dermatitis.

The pot should have its permanent place, the baby should know where to find it. Just don't keep the pot among the toys. Some people advise scalding the pot with boiling water before each use to keep it lukewarm.

The child does not want to sit on the potty: we form a habit

If the child does not want to sit on the potty without panties, then you can not take them off at first. The main thing is that there should be addiction, not rejection. But don't put a wet baby in the potty. Do not sit him down too often, pestering him with the question "Do you want a potty?"

Try to put your favorite doll or other toy on the pot on the pot, saying: “Look, Lyalechka is sitting on the pot. Ps-Ps-Ps, Lyalya! That's how our Lyalechka pees, well done! Come on now, Vanechka. "

If the child has completed the task, you can pour some water from the pot with him, somehow reward (just do not get carried away with sweets).

Potty training is best in summer. It takes two weeks for these purposes. Let your little one flaunt around the house in ordinary panties and the potty will always be there. Watch for the signals that the baby gives.

Down with diapers!

If your child starts to use the pot sometimes, do not go back to diapers. Disposable diapers complicate the process. Stock up on oilcloths and films for the night. Explain to your baby how good and easy it turns out to sleep without this bag. He will gradually get used to waking up and asking for a pot at night.

If you decide to go on a trip, then take a pot with you and spare pants.

Sometimes an already formed habit suddenly disappears, again the child does not want to sit on the potty, gets dirty his pants. This could be due to illness, stress, or feelings of protest.

Don't expect too much from your child. Much depends on you, be consistent. Sooner or later a miracle will come true: and he will start using the pot on his own. Everyone goes through the "toilet science", and love and understanding of loved ones help to assimilate it. I wish you success!

The child does not want to sit on the potty - this problem worries all parents, as well as the possibility of resolving this situation. Why does the child refuse to relieve small and large needs for the pot? At what age should a child switch from diapers to a conscious toilet trip? What to do if the baby even after a year actively resists, arranges tantrums with tears and screams? In any case, you need to be patient and stay calm. Therefore, let's try to figure it out calmly.

Age

The older the child becomes, the more often parents offer him to sit on the potty to pee or poop. When can we consider that the baby is ready to join the world of adults in this way?

As for age, this is a purely individual thing. Someone, perhaps, will learn to poop on a pot for up to a year, while others may resist the introduction of such an innovation in a year and a half, or just sit on it, and then do their own thing in diapers. But the attempt is not torture, and parents can begin to put the child on the potty when he is already sitting well and confidently.

But before starting this important event, you need to try to assess the situation objectively. It goes without saying that for every mom and every dad, his child is the best, smartest and most understanding. At the same time, sometimes common sense can simply be silent and close its eyes to the most common physiology.

And in babies, the physiological characteristics are such that up to one and a half years, small children cannot control such a thing as the fullness of the intestines and bladder. Simply put, up to this age, the child will pee and poop not when he was put on the pot, but when he wanted to pee or poop. Where inspiration finds it, everything will happen. If the parents managed to take off his clothes and put him on the potty, this is great, but in the case of a very small child, such random luck will not make the weather: the baby does not yet have a clear cause-and-effect relationship, and he does not understand what this thing has to do with it. on which he sits. Therefore, the only benefit in this case is to save money on diapers or on washing soiled children's clothes.

But the situation changes dramatically after the child reaches the age of two. At two years old, the crumbs are already developing some skills and abilities, which give reason to be optimistic about getting used to the toilet on the potty. The child can:

• walk confidently;
• bend over without losing balance;
• squat and then get up unaided;
• bending over, pick up toys and other objects from the floor, and then put them in place;
• understand what adults are talking about (although the personal vocabulary of a child at two years old may not be so great);
• to understand what is asked of him, the motivation of his parents' actions - albeit at the most primitive level;
• do not write or poop during daytime sleep;
• stay dry throughout the day for two hours in a row;
• feel discomfort from written or tied clothes, and express it with facial expressions, movements, some sounds or words;
• in any way let the adults know that he wants to go to the toilet - each child has his own "signal system" for this case: gestures, sounds, actions;
• develop your own "daily routine" and walk on small and large need at certain hours - after eating, immediately after sleep, etc.

The latter is perhaps the most important, since in the matter of potty training, the main thing is to comprehend the process and the purpose of this thing. The kid can pee and poop on the pot for up to a year, but only if the parents catch the signs of impending action in time. The child himself will not make any conscious movements in this direction: the pot for him will be one of the things around him, he can look at it, even play with it - but only at two years old will he come to this object with the aim of sitting down and making his own affairs.

Therefore, up to two years old, you should not make a tragedy about the lack of such skills: the child does not exactly want to go to the potty - he just does not understand what it is and why he should poop and write not into a diaper or pants, but into it.

How to assess a child's readiness

Although the age of two years is a definite Rubicon, it is unlikely that one fine day (more precisely, morning) the child will suddenly demand to put him on the pot, which he previously did not perceive at all as an alternative to diapers. It's just that at this age he will quickly understand what they want from him, and later he will appreciate the charm of the innovations himself, and will take off his pants himself and with pleasure poop and write where he should.

But it is quite possible that at first the baby will not understand what they want from him. And then the parents will need to show maximum patience, be calm and restrained. It is categorically impossible:

• to keep the baby on the potty by force, if he did not relieve himself, but wants to get up;
• start raising your voice, shouting;
• show your dissatisfaction;
• scold and punish the crumb, if he, getting up from the pot, immediately began to write and poop in linen or a diaper.

In order for a child to start going to the potty consciously, it is necessary that he does it with pleasure. It may take more than one week, or even a month, to develop a positive result, but this must be done. And it is believed that two years is the optimal age to start such training, since the child, both physiologically and psychologically, is already ripe to go to the potty.

Reasons for negative attitudes

If the child is already two years old, and he stubbornly does not want to go to the potty, although his parents are trying to teach him, you need to look for a reason, physiological or psychological.

This could be:

• a tendency to constipation: in the baby, the connection between defecation and painful sensations is fixed at the subconscious level;
• improperly selected pot;
• the impatience and irritability of the parents.

All this leads to the fact that the potty becomes a strong negative irritant for the child, and attempts to use physical violence will only provoke a protest reaction, and the baby will deliberately poop and write in his pants.

If we talk about constipation, then with this phenomenon, the child not only does not want to poop on the potty - he tries to hold back in general until the last, when it will be impossible to hold on. It's just that parents may not notice this if the baby is in diapers. Although the stool is hard with constipation, this is what causes pain in bowel movements. Microcracks may appear in the anus, which will further increase the pain and fear of defecation.

In such cases, you need to change the child's diet, make sure that he receives more liquid, both in pure form and in dishes. It is better to transfer it to pureed soups, soft food, until the stool is normalized.

The impatience of the parents, no matter what good goals they are guided by, plays a bad joke with them: children can “squeeze” for a long time, the pot can cause them fear and tears. Therefore - patience, patience and only patience.

If the child sat down on the potty, but did not wait for any result - it's okay. You can not show your child your negative attitude, he may also develop an unconscious feeling of guilt.

If everything worked out, you need to praise him, pat him on the head and show your approval in every possible way.

At this age, everyone already knows their children thoroughly, and it is not difficult to catch those moments when they want to write or poop, especially since at the age of two this happens less often than up to a year. Some will push, others will just freeze, others have a certain facial expression, a characteristic posture - in a word, watch the child, he himself will tell you when to put him on the pot. But this should be done unobtrusively. The pot should be close at hand in the literal sense of the word. Otherwise, the parents, noticing that the child is about to write or poop, frantically rush to another room or to the toilet for a potty, which may frighten the child - and then this item may no longer be useful.

How to choose

For a kid to want to go to the potty, you need to choose it carefully, taking into account many features. And it's not about the color of the object. Consider:

• the size,
• shape,
• material,
• design features.

The pot should not be too large or small: the child should be comfortable to sit on it. It should not crash into the buttocks, but the baby should not "fall" into it either.

Girls need a round pot and boys need an oval one. This is dictated by anatomical features: at first, boys pee while sitting, and the shape of the pot should be such that there are no puddles on the floor.

The best material for this thing is plastic. It is lightweight, traumatic, heats up quickly to body temperature. In this regard, it is undesirable to purchase metal or ceramic products: sitting down on a cold material, the child may not want to go to the potty. And ceramic, among other things, can also break.

With regard to design features, it is very important that it is stable. If the child sways and rolls over together with the "dishes", then there will be little pleasant in this, and going to the potty, he may overwhelm for a long time, because it hurts to fall, and if the pot was already full, it is completely bad.

Such a feature as a pot with a back is very convenient: the baby can recline without fear of turning over. There are models with removable covers, it is advisable to purchase them for travel with children.

What not to do

Wishing to teach the child to go to the potty as soon as possible, parents, as well as grandparents are ready to do everything for the baby to start pooping "like an adult", and not in diapers. However, you should not turn the trip to the toilet into a circus performance: this will only distract the child's attention from the main goal.

The same applies to the product itself: it should be as simple and convenient as possible. All sorts of "bells and whistles" like color music and other additional effects will lead to the same results: for the baby it will be just another toy, and its functional purpose will remain a secret behind seven seals.

Also, you should not hand over to the baby, planting him to poop, books with pictures. Parents do this out of good intentions so that the child can sit on his "toilet" longer. But he can develop a reflex, and in general, after staring, he will sit longer than is necessary to cope. This can lead to impaired bowel movements.

What experts say

If the baby does not want to go to the potty, there is no need to be tormented and believe that your child is in some way worse than others - especially since you cannot take on faith the stories of mothers about the extraordinary abilities of their children: parents sometimes like to embellish the real state of affairs. Everything has its time.

Experts say that children who go to kindergarten learn faster using the example of their peers: it is much more visual than dolls and bear cubs planted on a pot at home.

As for diapers, scientists have not found any dependence of children's desire to go to the potty from wearing this accessory.

He looks in surprise at the water flowing between his legs. He causes affection and delight in parents: "This is how our baby has grown, the diaper has already been removed from him, soon he will sit on the pot, and there, you look, and on the toilet - now the time flies." However, the baby himself may have a different opinion about whether to sit on the potty "on business" or do his "business" in more "interesting" places.

How does it work?

A lot of information can be found in specialized magazines and the Internet on the topic "How to potty train your child." Having studied everything very carefully, mothers are often mentally ready for the fact that their child psychologically "matures" to a conscious understanding and perception of the pot by the age of two. And if before this age, acquaintance with the pot was more or less irregular and was postponed, if the child could not ask to take off his pants and sit on the pot, then after two years the mother already knows for sure (after all, it is written in smart magazines and on websites!) that "it's time!"

It is good when everything turns out "as if written" - they showed the kid the pot, showed that he needed to write there, and he calmly and without objection, well, maybe several times mistaken, he accepted that "business" should be done on the pot or in the toilet.

A slightly more difficult option, when something does not work out or the child does not understand what they want from him. Creative parents can think of interesting game with prizes and gifts, motivating a son or daughter to "walk" in the pot. You can buy an interesting pot, write in the bathtub, or wash it off yourself - all this can teach the child, sooner or later, to use a specially designated place for this.

There is also a third option. When a child has long outgrown his two years of age, but a steady desire to write and poop in a pot or a toilet bowl does not come to him, despite the fact that many methods, games, gifts, words have been used. The kid was scolded, punished, explained, he washes his soiled pants and wipes after himself — everything is useless.

Parents may have the idea that for all this time, what they have invested in getting their child to use the specially designated place for this, even the stupidest animal would have learned this long ago. And it is clear that the child perfectly understands and knows what they want from him, and how to do it, he knows. But he does not want to use the pot and defends this his right with desperate persistence, even realizing (or realizing) that it, this persistence, is very harmful to him.

If parents do not perceive the baby's unwillingness to sit on the potty or toilet as intentionally harmful or evil, then very quickly the mother realizes that there is a good reason. Why can't the child form a conditioned (grafted) reflex to use a specially designated place for this?

The child may have been seriously ill or suffered severe stress. And this reason is always present in the life of a child, if he cannot master and understand for a long time that all people go to the toilet and do not get their clothes dirty. Inability and unwillingness to do this is a symptom of something else that was or is in the life of the baby. This understanding that the problem is not a child who does not want to, but a child who cannot do what is asked of him, can help the family and the child overcome this crisis. Which, by the way, may take more than one month or even a year.

What to do?

The most important rule is: be on the side of the child!

This rule helps to overcome any childhood crises, problems, difficulties at any age and condition. Without this main rule, all other recommendations and techniques do not work or do not work as effectively as they could. It's actually easy to say, “I'm on my child's side!” But difficult to do. Not at one moment, but every day, every second, every moment of life and throughout life. When the baby does not obey, does not understand what is being told to him, when he does everything in his own way, not in the way he can and should. When mom is tired, when anger and irritability rolls over. But only through this rule is the unconditional love of parents for their child manifested. It alone can change a lot, if not all. "To be on the side of the child" means to give both yourself and your child to be who we are. Not ideal and perfect, which do not exist in nature either, but ordinary people with their own characteristics, weaknesses and strengths your personality.

The rule is desirable: be the whole family on the side of the child!

Mom can understand as much as she wants the true reasons for the child's reluctance to master the pot. But if she does not win over to her side the understanding of all the other relatives who communicate with the child, does not tell why this is happening, does not teach them to respond correctly to the baby's incontinence, then the process of getting out of this situation can become painful for everyone and drag on for a long time. ...

When the mother and / or the whole family is on the side of the child, the people around him feel it. And it is already much easier to negotiate with other people who look after the child (, the teacher in kindergarten), so that they do not fix their attention on what the baby cannot do, and do not express their dissatisfaction with what is happening.

The rule is obvious: the light did not converge like a wedge on this problem.

It would be nice for all the participants in the action to relax, forget, let go, let "this" be and not worry. And then everything can change very quickly ... A strong and passionate desire to accomplish something is the primary obstacle to achieving this goal. And do not forget that absolutely every child knows how to use the toilet for his own wedding ...

Mom can take note of others possible waysthat can help overcome the child's reluctance to ask for a potty.

Attract knowledgeable people.

A child psychologist, a homeopathic doctor - these are specialists who can help a mother and her baby figure out and solve this problem. A professional in solving children's problems always understands that a child's unwillingness to go to the potty or the toilet is the tip of the iceberg, a consequence, not a cause. The child with all his being wants to be good for his parents. And if a baby does something that adults perceive as "bad", then there are always good reasons for this. If the specialist can figure out what is hidden behind the child's incontinence, and competently work with this, the problem will fall off by itself.

Work with a child independently or together with a specialist.

If a mother chooses a way to deal with this issue on her own, then first it is worth understanding whether such a child's behavior is not a protest against something. Sometimes adults regulate the baby's life so strictly that they do not leave him room for his own I, his spontaneity and the ability to express and manifest himself as he wants. And the growing up little man has nothing left but excretory functions and food intake, which he can really control and protest against the existing (sometimes almost prison) regime of his life. Any protest means that the person who expresses it, regardless of age, opportunities and desires do not correspond to what is allowed and resolved by him, adults, by the system. Obviously, only adults (sometimes together with a child psychologist) can stop protest behavior in a child by expanding the zone of opportunities and rights in the little person's family.

If the factor of protest is excluded or worked out, then there are two polar ways by which a mother can get what she wants from a child.

Through the ban

The worst thing that parents can do for their child is to force him to go to the potty by any means. To do enemas, to hold on to the toilet by force, to punish for the fact that the puddle is in the wrong place again, to shout at the child. In this case, what psychologists call a "pot war" can easily arise. As you know, if any military action starts, everyone loses. Using this method, parents can inflict severe psychological trauma on the child. And then you will definitely have to resort to the help of specialists. But already in order to correct those problems that arose in the child as a result of the "war for the potty".

Parents can form a prohibition by imposing a sense of shame on the child for not doing "things" where adults tell him. The feeling of shame forms the trauma of the masochist, which in turn is reflected on the body in the form of a large amount of fat. You can read more about this in the book by Liz Burbo "Five injuries ...".

Through permission

The best thing parents can do for a child is to allow him to "do things" the way he wants, but at the same time actively show him how they do it themselves. The child has such a strong desire to imitate and do as adults do, that through this instinct the child himself will come to write and poop in a specially designated place. Mom can also show the baby with words or behavior how uncomfortable in the everyday sense, when I do it, anywhere: you can slip, fall and hit painfully, you can stain the carpet, toys, books, and then something will have to be washed, but something even throw it away.

When parents allow and allow a child to have their uniqueness not only in a "good" philistine sense - to know letters at the age of three, recite poems by heart, sing songs in front of guests - but also in a "bad" sense (in particular, not to use the potty), then the child does not develop a fixation on this "bad", does not develop a desire to hold him back in order to control and manipulate adults. The "permission" method is difficult and often even impossible for those who themselves grew up in a family built on a system of prohibitions and punishments. It is also difficult because an adult has a feeling of injustice: why he, an adult, was at one time severely suppressed for any reason, and his child should be forgiven and allowed everything.

I would like to end this topic with some positive paragraph like "everything will definitely work out" or "everything is simple, you just have to do it right", but I don't write something like that ... This topic is extremely delicate, in society it is strongly "charged" with shame , inhibitions and awkwardness. A mother who faces this problem with her baby often cannot overcome the feeling of guilt and shame for her child and seek professional help. And it remains one on one with the inability and inability to harmoniously resolve it. After all, I feel sorry for the child, and ashamed in front of people. Moreover, outsiders "add fuel to the fire": they say, this is all from child harm. AND available information there is very little on this topic. It is often contradictory and does not provide "working" pedagogical methods. I wrote that I know about what can be done when the child does not want to go to the toilet or sit on the potty. But every mother should rely on her instinct, understanding of her child and love for him.